Wednesday, May 31, 2006
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Holy cow and chicken! It's the revenge of the Tollgate collectors! Due to the alarming rate of motorists not paying the correct amount of toll, The local authorities have launched a new way of collecting toll by using a high speed truck that is capable of catching toll-evaders. A huge box is attached to the side of the truck which opens automatically once the truck is moving parallel with the runaway motorists. Once the box is open, the toll-evader now has two options; one: throw the appropriate amount of toll into the box, or two: put the law into his own hands and not pay at all. If the evader resists to pay, an MMDA soundtruck will join the highway chase while broadcasting the message in full dolby digital "Toll Evader, Huwag tularan". If the evader is still up to the chase, the MMDA soundtruck will call for back-up and engage BT5 (Bantay Trapiko Level 5).

Bt5 is composed of The Elite Traffic Enforcers (TETE) which is dedicated to uphold the law. These elite traffic enforcers use professional methods to catch toll evaders, one of which is the 'Wet Yellow Flag'. Originally used by MMDA to dicipline people to use the sidewalk, the Bt5 method utilizes white bedsheets soaked in liquid collected by the pink male urinals mostly found in Metro Manila. These wet yellow flags are then thrown at the evader to force him to the side of the road. If the evader is caught, he is punished by washing the 'wet yellow flag' till it's white again.

If the evader is really persistent and doesn't want to pay the appropriate toll, The Elite Traffic Enforcers must then put matters into their own hands. TETE will call upon ancient traffical powers by swinging a traffic light in a semi-circle while dancing the Macarena. By then, witnesses of the traffical phenomena will hear Kitchie Nadal singing "Majiiiiikaaaaa" in the background while puffs of smog fill the surrounding area. Out of the thick black Smog, the five classical Warriors of Traffic Force (WTF) will emerge: Chocolate Boy (Pasay), Blue Boy (MMDA), Yellow Boy(Makati), Green Boy (Origin unknown) and Orange boy (Origin unknown). All of them chanting simutaneously, "Mabuhay ang TETE!", while doing the Harlem shake. After doing a series of cart-wheels and 'Mystica' splits, the Warriors of Traffic Force will unleash a series of disturbing attacks which involves Darna's costume and Gloria's mole. And so the toll-evader will definitely be caught and peace will return to the toll gates. The End.

*Gash. I need to lessen my caffeine intake. The picture above was taken from my travel to Laiya, Batangas. It's really from a truck but it was supposed to be a Tool Box. (I wondered how it was mispelled to Toll). Again all things written above was pure fiction (oh come on! swinging a traffic light in a semi-circle while dancing the macarena?).
posted by Johnjan @ 1:46 PM  
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