Wednesday, May 31, 2006
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Holy cow and chicken! It's the revenge of the Tollgate collectors! Due to the alarming rate of motorists not paying the correct amount of toll, The local authorities have launched a new way of collecting toll by using a high speed truck that is capable of catching toll-evaders. A huge box is attached to the side of the truck which opens automatically once the truck is moving parallel with the runaway motorists. Once the box is open, the toll-evader now has two options; one: throw the appropriate amount of toll into the box, or two: put the law into his own hands and not pay at all. If the evader resists to pay, an MMDA soundtruck will join the highway chase while broadcasting the message in full dolby digital "Toll Evader, Huwag tularan". If the evader is still up to the chase, the MMDA soundtruck will call for back-up and engage BT5 (Bantay Trapiko Level 5).

Bt5 is composed of The Elite Traffic Enforcers (TETE) which is dedicated to uphold the law. These elite traffic enforcers use professional methods to catch toll evaders, one of which is the 'Wet Yellow Flag'. Originally used by MMDA to dicipline people to use the sidewalk, the Bt5 method utilizes white bedsheets soaked in liquid collected by the pink male urinals mostly found in Metro Manila. These wet yellow flags are then thrown at the evader to force him to the side of the road. If the evader is caught, he is punished by washing the 'wet yellow flag' till it's white again.

If the evader is really persistent and doesn't want to pay the appropriate toll, The Elite Traffic Enforcers must then put matters into their own hands. TETE will call upon ancient traffical powers by swinging a traffic light in a semi-circle while dancing the Macarena. By then, witnesses of the traffical phenomena will hear Kitchie Nadal singing "Majiiiiikaaaaa" in the background while puffs of smog fill the surrounding area. Out of the thick black Smog, the five classical Warriors of Traffic Force (WTF) will emerge: Chocolate Boy (Pasay), Blue Boy (MMDA), Yellow Boy(Makati), Green Boy (Origin unknown) and Orange boy (Origin unknown). All of them chanting simutaneously, "Mabuhay ang TETE!", while doing the Harlem shake. After doing a series of cart-wheels and 'Mystica' splits, the Warriors of Traffic Force will unleash a series of disturbing attacks which involves Darna's costume and Gloria's mole. And so the toll-evader will definitely be caught and peace will return to the toll gates. The End.

*Gash. I need to lessen my caffeine intake. The picture above was taken from my travel to Laiya, Batangas. It's really from a truck but it was supposed to be a Tool Box. (I wondered how it was mispelled to Toll). Again all things written above was pure fiction (oh come on! swinging a traffic light in a semi-circle while dancing the macarena?).
posted by Johnjan @ 1:46 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Going home
I got out of the office feeling pretty tired -- tired of doing nothing or pretending to do something. I just hate Mondays. Well, since my project moved to another building (Which just beside glorietta), my walking distance to MRT became short. Since then, the stroll from the office to the Ayala bus terminal became part of my weekday routine. It's like a warm-up for the night cause when the sun goes down, my day is just starting.

I swiftly passed by the huge windows of Rustan's. Just enough to catch a glimpse of the inside of the store. Checking everything that is around. Taking in every step, taking in everything that surrounds me. Usually, my office hours end at around 11 Pm, the time when the streets are almost empty. Nowadays I usually get out at around 8 pm. It's when I see people from all walks of life fill up the streets. Majority of which is headed home.

Bus rides. Each and every ride has something interesting to offer. Even the most uncomfortable ones can present something new. I've witnessed a lot during my Bus Rides. I've realized a lot of things too. Laughter, Tears, Anger, Love -- I've seen it all inside a Bus.

"Random Ramblings"
posted by Johnjan @ 2:55 PM   0 comments
Manic Monday
Everything sucks on a monday. Morning sucks. Waking up on a Monday sucks. Traffic sucks. T.V. shows sucks. Work sucks. Breakfast sucks. Even my face sucks on a monday. Everything sucks. Radio stations sucks. My packed lunch sucks. My music playlist sucks. My polo sucks. My pants suck. My shoes suck. My bag sucks. My hair sucks. Pimples suck. my dinner sucks. my room sucks. Everything sucks. I hate Mondays.

I need sleep...
posted by Johnjan @ 11:56 AM   0 comments
Monday, May 29, 2006
SMS dialogues v1.1
Cellphone: kape
Johnjan: Coffee?
Cellphone: ...
Johnjan: huh?
Cellphone: kape tanbarbel..! Wushu
Johnjan: *kamot-ulo* ...

Thanks to Alda for the SMS
posted by Johnjan @ 12:45 AM   0 comments
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Silver Screen 1.0
It's movie time!

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The Da Vinci Code (Sony Pictures). - You know what? Since this movie has been overhyped and controversial, I say just read the novel. It's a hundred times better than the documentary-movie or whatever it's called. If you really want to check it out, just watch it on video.

Over The Hedge (Dreamworks)- Cool Movie. It's meant both for kids and kids-at-heart. Surely the uber-cuddliness of the characters may give a wrong impression that this movie is just another slapstick (well, partly it has slapstick moments) movie BUT this is a solid entertainer. The story was great, the voice-acting was at its best, the characters were memorable and the antics were, well, funny.

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X-Men III: The Last Stand (20 century Fox) - For fans of the Marvel Universe, this flick is a keeper otherwise, wait for it on video. You'll get to see some of the major characters come alive (and do the opposite as well... aheehee) on the big screen and see them give the villians a major whoop-ass! The core plot of the movie was well made but with the inclusion of the compressed phoenix plot... it became bland -- Actually, worse. And to think this is the final installment of the X-men movies? Think again. Computer graphics were superb! Angel's wings were magnificent, Iceman and Pyro's face-off was good (although it was a cliche), Colossus' body was gleaming metallic and Phoenix's mutant powers kicked ass. Big time! and oh, just one more thing. Juggernaut's costume sucked. Big time!

United 93 (Universal Pictures) - Based from true incidents, this movie recollects the events within the United 93 flight -- One of the four planes that was hijacked during the 9-11 tragedy. Hands down to this film! I can say that this movie is waaaaaay better than the films noted above. The camera work was one of the finest that I've seen. The cast, which doesn't include any big names or academy award winners, delivered a wonderful performance. I mean, the movie relived the 9-11 tragedy in another point of view. It gave me the chills just watching the actors/actress gasp at the crumbling towers of the World Trade Center. I checked the release dates of this movie and unfortunately the Philippines wasn't included. (Don't ask how did I get to see this film.. aheehee). But if ever this movie reach the Philippine shores, I say watch it. This film is one true gem -- a diamond in the rough.

More movies! More movies! *drool* ~


posted by Johnjan @ 1:59 PM   0 comments
Saturday, May 27, 2006
SMS dialogues v1.0
Cellphone: Kilala mo ba asawa ni mr. bean?
Johnjan: hindi. sino?
Cellphone: edi si mrs. abrila
Johnjan: huh?
Cellphone: abrila bean.
Johnjan: ...

Thanks to Alda for the SMS
posted by Johnjan @ 2:44 PM   0 comments
Friday, May 26, 2006
Summer Stories vol 1.: The Beach
Destination: Laiya, Batangas.
What: DB summer outing (Work-related)
Cue in music: Pure Shores.

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Semi-white sand. Lukewarm waters. Hot scorching sun. This is the life! Just laying on one of the benches, getting all red and burned up, Looking at the sea horizon through sunglasses. Yes, this outing is all worth the work we've been through.

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We had an overnight stay at Balai-One of the resorts/rest houses/things by the beach etc. The place was very beautiful with it's fort-like structures and assorted ammenities as well as the very friendly and courteous staff.

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I woke up at the break of dawn hoping to catch the sunrise. Waking up at 4:00 am is very unusual for me but I gathered all my strength to get out of bed (heehee) just to see the beach and all it's denizens come to life. To the west side of the beach was a huge rock on which visitors can have a breathtaking view of the sea or the huge rock formations of the mountains beside it. It took some time for me to reach the huge rock thingy but it's all worth it.

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I went home tired and sleepy (instead of relaxed) but I managed to made some stops along the way.

...take me to my beach.

posted by Johnjan @ 1:35 PM   0 comments
Got this from a forwarded email from one of my officemates:
After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Japanese scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: " US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone1000 years earlier than the Japanese".

One week later, a Filipino newspaper reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Filipino scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology".
The best talaga ang pinoy. Wahahaha
posted by Johnjan @ 10:41 AM   0 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I had a little chat with one of my colleagues at work:
EdMo (5:42:22 PM): di ko na kaya ang pumasok ng mas maaga... inaantok na ako ngayon lalo na ang likot ng mga bata pag natutulog... hehehehe
johnjan (5:42:48 PM): nyak. sabagay. may punto ka. sobrang likot na ba ng mga tsikiting?
EdMo (5:43:04 PM): 4 and 5 di ba malikot yon?
johnjan (5:43:28 PM): sobra. parang kitikiti.
EdMo (5:43:39 PM): ang mga batang di malikot at makulit sa panahon ngayon... ipacheck up mo na sa doctor... baka abnormal un...
johnjan (5:44:17 PM): hehehe so far wala pa naman akong nakikitang batang malikot. eh ang matandang malikot? abnormal na rin ba yun?
EdMo (5:45:58 PM): manyakis yon...

And so things haven't changed a bit. It seems that sex had been innately imprinted on to the brains of the male specie.
posted by Johnjan @ 1:18 PM   0 comments
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Status Report
Project JOHNjan as of 23.5.2006:
  • Stressed
  • Sleepless
  • Tired
  • Worried
Project JOHNjan plans for next week:
  • Wake-up
  • Program
  • Rest
  • Sleep
  • Repeat Cycle

Hooooohummm... I'm tired.

posted by Johnjan @ 2:47 PM   2 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
I boarded a bus on a wet Monday evening. 8:57 pm. By the time I finally got a seat and made myself comfortable, the rain had stopped. The streets were still wet as puddles of rainwater filled the potholes, reflecting back the lights of the mall. I shifted a little closer to the window as a lady sat beside me. The bus is not yet full. Conductor's still calling for passengers. Nothing to do but to wait. I decided to listen to my mp3 player as more passengers boarded the bus. On a Monday, I am waiting and by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms so I can breathe. Nothing to do but to wait.

The bus, finally filled with passengers - some already standing at the isle, went in motion. I smiled and waved a little goodbye. People inside the bus gradually shifted, trying to get a quick shut-eye. I watched how they grabbed the railings, holding on to support while managing to have a nap. Noticing some sleeping soundly as though the motion of the bus rocked them to deep slumber. Still my portable player roared. Oh, it seems like I can finally rest my head on something real, I love the way that feels. It's the only thing that is keeping me awake.

I turned my attention to the window. Lights from the lamposts and incoming cars keeps playing on the wet road. Zooming in and out of watchful eyes. The bus went flying by buildings, houses, stores, people. Oh, it's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself. I love how you can tell. My player's on repeat on a particular song. I love how you can tell.

One hour. I travelled one hour. Our streets were still wet when I arrived. A sign that the rains had reached my home. The moon was out. The stars were hiding behind the clouds. The house was still. Everyone's asleep. Silence. I turned-up the volume of my player as the song was ending. I love how you can tell the pieces of me.

Just an hour ago, every piece of me was together.
Just an hour ago, I was whole.

posted by Johnjan @ 2:10 PM   0 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
Age Six Racer
The rainy season's having an early start.

So long sweet summer
I stumbled upon you and gratefully basked in your rays
So long sweet summer
I fell into you now you're gracefully falling away

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Hey thanks, thanks for that summer
It's cold where you're going, I hope that your heart's always warm
I gave you the best, I gave you the best that I had
You passed on the letters and passed on the best that I had

The perfect song to end the summer. I've been to three places this summer. Places where I spent some time in the hot summer days and slept throught the cold summer nights. This is where the summer stories begin.

Age six racer by Dashboard Confessional
posted by Johnjan @ 2:16 PM   1 comments
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Hands Down
Hands Down! I just have to rant about this band, Dashboard Confessional. One hell of a good band. Great guitar work. Great acoustics. Great songs. Great vocals. Although their songs are more about break-ups, relationship problems and its aftermath, the lead singer's way of pouring out expressions in the songs got me hooked. And of course, I'm a sucker for musicians with unusual/unique vocals (i.e. Michelle Branch, Alanis Morissette, Joss Stone - Dashboard Confessional). I stumbled upon this band when they released their third album 'A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar' back in 2003 and when the song 'Vindicated' (featured in the Spiderman soundtrack) skyrocketed their popularity. Of course, I did not put much attention to that album because their hit song 'Vindicated' was not included. It was just a month ago that I got a copy of their third album (A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar) and the other albums followed. After listening to all of their albums, emotion-overflow is what I got. With Chris Carraba as the band's songwriter and lead singer, Dashboard Confessional is emo down to the bone. Some of the songs that got stuck from my head are as follows.

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The Swiss Army Romance - The Places You've Come To Fear the Most - A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar

Ender Will Save Us All. A song about someone being pushed away by her partner (There's got to be something that would be worthwhile for me to give to you. We made a connection but you seem to push me far away from you) although he's willing to give everything. So he asks himself if he's really the right one for her (I want to give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it what I need? I want to give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it within me? - I love this line. freakinly stuck to my head)

Bend and Break. An upbeat song. Chris Carraba (probably) poured raw emotions in this one. This song is more about mistakes - avoiding them, covering them up - just to please the other. (I'm careful not to wake you. Fearing conversation. It's better just to hold you. And keep you pacified / Try to understand, there's an old mistake that fools will make. And I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away)

Screaming Infidelities. Ooooh this is a good one to listen to after a bad break-up. Makes you want to drown yourself in booze and listen to more sad, sappy songs ( Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs and sit alone and wonder how you're making out). As what the title suggests, it's about infidelity. Your special someone cheats on you very badly (Your hair, it's everywhere. Screaming infidelities and taking its wear) <- Sing this line with me. hands in the air, wave them!

Hands Down
. hands down to this song. More about experiencing 'it' the very first time with the person you're dying to be with. ( My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. So won't you kill me, so I die happy. My heart is yours, to fill or burst, to break or bury, or wear as jewelry Whichever you prefer). The acoustic version of this song rocks!

Other songs worth noting are: Ghost of a Good Thing, Age Six Racer, Rapid Hope Loss, Best Deceptions, Several Ways to Die Trying, Saints and Sailors, The Sharp Hint of New Tears, As Lovers Go, and Remember to Breathe.

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Dashboard's fourth album is nearing its release date. wooo! Can't wait for Dusk and Summer.

"Don't blink, everyone's watching. They'll think you're up to something. They need for you to be everything that they cannot." - Morning Calls, Dashboard Confessional.
posted by Johnjan @ 8:34 AM   0 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
Italian for "The Sea"
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Il mare's got a makeover. The Lake House starred by the Speed couple (Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves) is going to be shown in the Philippines on June 14 (mark your calendars Il mare fanatics). I've seen the trailer and it pretty much tells 50 percent of the story. You can search it a youtube if you're that curious. Of course there are some addtional scenes in the hollywood version of Il mare. One thing just bugs me in the trailer, it's that there is this statement "from the award winning author -Author's Name-" shown at the end. Why didn't they just put there "Screenplay by -Author's Name"? Misleading. And whenever I read news about The Lake House, it is never mentioned that it is a remake of an Asian movie? Just wondering. Oh well, I just hope this remake will live up to the standards of the original.
posted by Johnjan @ 2:28 PM   5 comments
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Laugh Out Loud
Bwahahahaha! Bwahahaha!

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Oh my, I've never been so entertained in my life. It's been a long time since I almost laughed my guts out and had a stomach ache. Whooo! I need a breather.

In one way or another you might have heard the new superheroine Zsa Zsa. No, not Zsa Zsa Padilla! Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah! A brainchild of Carlo Vergara, Zaturnnah is heavily based on cliches of modern day superheroes (Darna, Sailormoon etc.) and Filipino Artists (Nora aunor, Vilma Santos etc.). Although the concept is not original, Zaturnnah's story is a one hell of a twisted rollercoaster ride of laughs and side stiches. I don't want to spoil the details so just grab a copy of the graphic novel. It's money well spent.

Just two months ago, the Cultural Center of the Philippines brought the graphic novel to life. With Eula Valdez as Zsa zsa Zaturnnah and Agot Isidro as her arch-enemy Queen Femina Squarestellar Barouqe from Planet X (Quite a mouthful), 'Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah: Ze musikal' rocked the theatre with lots of giggles, snorts and laughs. I managed to catch the show of Zaturnnah with its second run at the PETA theatre in Quezon City. I had loads of fun! fun! fun! I was laughing so hard every freakin' five minutes of the show. From the time the big 'Zaturnnah' Rock fell from the sky and hit Ada's head up to the Transmorphication of the Amazonitas, Damn! The actor who played Didi gave a tremendously great performance by having the audience laugh out at his every side comment. Whew! No wonder the show's full of positive comments because it's that GOOD!

I heard that Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah is going to have a movie version and I also heard that Ruffa Mae Quinto is going to play Zaturnnah... too bad, I don't like her 'so-called' comedic movies (Super B and Booba - Big Flops). I just wished they picked someone who looks serious as a super hero. Eula Valdez was very effective as Zaturnnah because she's known as a hardcore dramatic actress. Who knew that a serious looking Zaturnnah (like Eula) could suddenly utter carabao-english statements with cuss words on the side. (Just read the novel and you'll understand what I'm blabbering about). Well, let's see what the movie will be when it comes out.

ALERT! Zaturnnah going to have a 3rd RUN! June 16-18! Just 5 shows back at the CCP! Oh my! Go and watch it! It's money well spent. I swear.

As for now. Zaaaaaaturnnnah!! Kabooom! (Zsa Zsa)...

posted by Johnjan @ 3:11 PM   0 comments
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
For RENT: Viva La Vie Boheme!
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes (Dies Irae - Dies Illa Kyrie Eleison Yitgadal V' Yitkadash). Here she lies. No one knew her worth.The late great daughter of Mother Earth. On these nights when we celebrate the birth. In that little town of Bethlehem, We raise our glass- You bet your ass- to La Vie Boheme.

La Vie Boheme. La Vie Boheme. La Vie Boheme. La Vie Boheme.

To days of inspiration, Playing hookey, making something out of nothing, the need to express, to communicate, to going against the grain, going insane, going mad. To loving tension, no pension, to more than one dimension, To starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension, Not to mention of course, hating dear old mom and dad. To riding your bike midday past the three piece suits,To fruits, to no absolutes, to Absolut, to Choice,to the village voice, to any passing fad. To being an 'Us' for once instead of a 'Them'.

La Vie Boheme!
La Vie Boheme!

To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries, to yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese, to leather, to dildos, To curry Vindaloo, to Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou. Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion, creation, vacation. Mucho masturbation! Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new, to Sontag, to Sondheim, to anything taboo! Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage, Lenny Bruce, Langston Hughes. To the stage! To Uta, To Buddha, Pablo Neruda, too. Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow to blow off Auntie Em.

La Vie Boheme!

Bisexuals, trisexuals, Homo Sapiens, Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman, German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa, Carmina Burana. To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy, Vaclav Havel, the Sex Pistols, 8BC, to no shame, never playing the fame game, to marijuana! To sodomy, it's between God and me, to S & M...

La Vie Boheme!

Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS!

To Dance! No way to make A living, masochism, pain, perfection, muscle Spasm, chiropractors, short-careers, eating disorders. Film! adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations, dark rooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze. Music! food Of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, feeling, power, harmony and heavy competition. Anarchy! revolution, justice, screaming for solutions, forcing changes, risk, and danger, making noise and making pleas. To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross-dressers too!

To me! To me! To me! To you and you and you, you and you, to people living With, living With, living with, Not Dying From Disease...

Let he Among Us Without Sin Be The First To Condemn

La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme!

Anyone out of the mainstream? Is anyone In The mainstream? Anyone alive - With A Sex Drive! Tear down the wall! Aren't we all? The opposite Of War Isn't Peace... It's Creation! La Vie Boheme...

Viva La Vie Boheme!
posted by Johnjan @ 2:29 PM   0 comments
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I was there. There in the patient's waiting area in Medical Plaza (Just behind Makati Medical). It's 7 am and the television provided for the patients was in my control. I mean, nobody else was there waiting for a check-up so I had the privilege to do some channel surfing. The TV has a cable subscription. Good. All the shows sucks. Bad. So I had to settle for something entertaining (At all costs, I avoided Discovery Channel and National Geographic. Please! It's a saturday. Info Overflow!) so I chose AXN. Good thing they were showing some old movie of some kids lost in an island. or so I thought.

Later I then realized that the movie was not just about some lost kids in an island but infact Hook. Yes, it's a peter pan story (or the lost/shocking peter pan story). I prefer to call it the "Part two" since it follows the adventures of Peter Pan in Neverland wherein Peter grows up, loses memory of Neverland, Had a wife, scores (yes, peter comes into age) and eventually had children.

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It stars Robbie Williams-- a brilliant actor but looks like hell in green tights -- as Peter pan. It also includes some random child actors, which had no other role in the movie but to scream their lungs out, jump up and down, act like wild animals and fart like crazy. Last but not the least, the movie stars the very beautiful, talented, academy award winner Julia Roberts as tinkerbell - WTF?!. The movie experience would be complete only if Julia was wearing her award winning Oscar gown as her tinkerbell costume. *sigh*

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Julia: Hi everyone! I'm tinkerbell!

As I was just getting comfortable in my seat, another patient in waiting came along, specifically a mid-thirties lady, sat beside me and watched the movie (which I know she has no idea on what the movie is about). She had some weird comment though...

Lady: Is that peter pan?!
I Thought: No, it's Robbie Williams in green tights as the green lantern.
Lady: Ooooh! Captain Hook!
I thought: Thanks for reminding me again, I thought it was the wicked witch of the west.
Lady: Oh my God they are slashing each other! Does it hurt?
I thought: Give me a knife and I'll slash you. Maybe that'll answer your question.
Lady: Peter beats Captain Hook!
I thought: Just shut up.

* I did not made this entry to bash any actors (the movie maybe cause it sucks). This is a result of me waking up at an ungodly hour on a Saturday (5:30 AM). Peaceout
posted by Johnjan @ 4:16 PM   2 comments
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